


Grinnell is Weird

by LegacyWorks



Category: The Half of It (2020)
Genre: College AU, Ellie goes to Grinnell College, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Kinda, Slice of Life, accurate representation of grinnell life, except that in cannon she actually goes so it's just a continuation of the story, honestly this is just wholesome fluff, queer main character, relationship drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:20:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24383434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegacyWorks/pseuds/LegacyWorks
Summary: Ellie's figuring out life in Grinnell while still Freaking Out about the entire Aster mess she left behind in Squahamish. She's getting through it, though. Especially with the help of her weird and perfect friends.This just might have been exactly what she was looking for.
Relationships: Ellie Chu & Paul Munsky, Ellie Chu/Aster Flores, One sided Ellie/Aster
Comments: 6
Kudos: 49





	Grinnell is Weird

**Author's Note:**

> Um. So I'm a Grinnell Student...
> 
> This is a one shot, I have no interest in continuing this fic. Have fun with it, though! It's a relatively accurate portrayle of people you could meet in the place, and all the locations/behaviors are accurate to the campus!
> 
> If anyone is interested in the pronoun thing - we introduce ourselves with first our name, then pronoun, and sometimes what subject we're interested in (only if in class though).

The train to the airport, and then the flight to Grinnell was… lonely. I should have expected it. No one paid attention to me, not that I wanted them to be. The past few days were a bit more interesting than I was hoping for, after all. I was sure the next few years were going to be, also. Which was fine. I mean, I left to find interesting (and maybe to escape myself).

I probably could have found interesting back home, though. Paul and Aster could have been my interesting, but it was too late. I was already heading out, on this dang train, flying to a place that was just as barren as Squahamish with just as many white people.

Not that I had anything against white people. Just. They kinda sucked sometimes.

Waiting for the bus from the airport took a few hours longer than I expected, but at least the other students headed for Grinnell weren’t that hard to find. We made up half the people in the airport. Turned out very few planes fly into Des Moines, Iowa. More students were headed out than in.

There was one girl with cat ears just chilling. Well, who I assumed was a girl at least (something looked off). Some other people had bright colored clothes, brighter than what people would normally wear on an airplane. And definitely brighter than my dark blue jacket and comfy grey pants.

“Hey,” someone said and I jumped. Someone talking to me? No way, that never happened. “You look like you’ve been taken captive or something. I’m guessing you’re headed to Grinnell, too. I bet it can’t be that scary.” She smiled. I swore, she had to be wearing colored contacts. No one’s eyes could be that dark of a black without getting an exorcist or something called on them.

“Yeah, I am. You could guess?”

“C’mon, someone who isn’t white? That’s here for any other reason? Nah, not possible. Besides, looks like you aren’t headed anywhere fast.” She stuck out her hand. “I’m Kywe.” 

“Ellie,” I said, shaking her hand. She seemed like a punk goddess, if I was being honest. Her ripped t-shirt was held together by staples, her ripped pants had a short, black and green plaid skirt over it, and there was a long semi-transparent jacket falling just below her knees. It was nothing I had ever seen before.

She wasn’t even the most creatively dressed person in that airport. 

So I might stand out. Just a little. By having absolutely nothing interesting about me.

…

I sat next to Kywe on the hour long bus ride. Turns out she was interested in climate change activism and couldn’t wait to be part of the Grinnell protests she’d heard about. I told her I only went here because the application was free and Mrs. Geselschap kept insisting. She told me she knew how to raise goats and make a hydroponic system. I told her that I manned the railway twice a day.

I really couldn’t be more pathetic, could I? I bet Kywe never did her classmates’ essays to make fast cash.

Where did all my confidence go? I swear it was there when I kissed Aster. Maybe I used up my entire lifetime’s worth. That made sense; one bold thing in exchange for everything after that. It was a good run.

“So…” Kywe nearly trailed off. “What things do you like to watch?” I guess we ran out of topics. Of course this awesome, talkative person had to get stuck with me. Everyone else on the bus was doing fine! Or sleeping. But pretending to sleep would be rude and if baba was here he’d scold me. 

“I mainly watch whatever my dad is watching. So, a lot of Hindi or French films. Or really anything that isn’t in English.”

“Oh, that’s cool! My family watches a lot of Hindi films, too. Do you have a favorite?” I couldn't help remembering Paul as he ran next to the train. It was a scene straight out of a Bollywood film. Literally.

“I think _Ek Villain_ , at least right now. My best friend watched it with me, so there’s a lot of good memories.”

“Oh, I know that one! It has Shraddha Kapoor, right? Did you see her in _Teen Patti_? Because wow, that was amazing! It was one of her earlier works, but I think it managed to get a few awards.” Okay, so maybe this wasn’t as bad as it seemed.

Turned out her family was religious. They went to church every Sunday and Wednesday, and it was an entire community thing. Instead of the white, conservative people that I had always seen listening to sermons, it was filled with brown-skinned immigrants. Which would be cool to see. She thought it was cool that I played the piano, but that I played the guitar was cooler.

“I think I’ll miss my church while I’m here. I know there’s one that’s right next to campus and everything, but it won't be the same, y’know?” 

“Um. Not really, actually. I’ll be grateful to be away from mine. I made a pretty big mess the last time I was there.”

“Oooh, I hear a story. What happened?” I stared at her. Would it be bad? She seemed like an open-minded person, and even if she spread the story it couldn’t be too bad. Right?

“Well. There was this person that I like, but they were about to get forced into marrying someone really, truly awful and they didn’t want to be with. But saying no wasn’t an option, since it was in church and everyone was just watching, and the Father just gave this amazing speech about love and loving people, and love coming easily and beautifully.” I’m rambling. I know it. But this had been bubbling up inside every time I thought of that moment. I had to get it out. I looked Kywe dead in the eye and said, “I just snapped. 

“I couldn’t believe people would force such a selfish, one sided love onto a person just to fulfill their own pleasure of seeing what they believed was righteous or good instead of taking into account what the person would actually want in their relationship, in their life!” Kywe was nodding along but I barely noticed. I was past the ranting phase, more lost to the world of memories than anything else. 

“I mean, Aster was being ripped apart by this person and a family that expected everything to be perfect without bothering to look into the depths of the soul and see what truth dwells in the darkness, afraid to reach out for the hand that was begging to help. And so I had to be the one that stood up and interpreted and tried to grab her hand. Because I knew. Because she told me. And I couldn’t let her go through with something that she hated, that she didn’t understand or did she want.” Were those tears in my eyes? They better not be.

“But because I’m also a coward, after I reached for her hand and pulled out the truth I left. I ran away from Squahamish and I came here, hours away, to Iowa. And I barely said anything about it because I was afraid of what would happen and holy shit that was so, so much more than you needed or wanted to hear, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to just spill my guts like that!”

“No. Dude, that was. That was epic. And damn you are so, so much more than I expected. You got depth, girl! Nothing’s gonna hold you back if you can tell your story like that. So. Did you get the girl?” I didn’t like the look on her face. It was a bit devilish, but she seemed on my side, so I guess that was just her personality?

“Yeah. Kinda. No, not really. I mean, I kissed her? But then I ran away. And I don’t even know if she kissed me back, she seemed kinda shocked. But I mean. So was I? So I just left, and yeah.”

“Damn.” I think Kywe was stunned? But I honestly can’t tell at this point, her expressions were going everywhere. Kind of like Paul when he tried to figure something out, except faster. And I couldn’t help but be impressed at the facial gymnastics she was pulling off. “You are a literal badass. And you deserve all my respect. Way to go, girl!”

Huh. My chest felt a little tight. And warm? Really? Next thing I knew, I’d be smiling and what would happen to my reputation then?

“Yeah, well I think you’re pretty cool, too.”

…

“Wow. I expected way more people. Not sure why.” Kywe was staring out the window. We had just gotten off the interstate, driving into a small town with roads that probably needed to be taken care of a bit better. There was a Wal-mart, so a step up from what I was used to already.

“I think it looks pretty nice.” She hummed in agreement, or at least I thought it was agreement.

There was a small second hand store hidden between what had to be a hardware store and some clinic, so if I ever needed new clothes at least there was a place to go. There was also a small grocery store near the campus, not that I would have to worry about cooking for myself for at least a year. For some reason first years had to have a full meal plan? Sure, they wanted us to take care of ourselves, but really. That seemed a bit excessive.

The buildings looked nice enough, and there was a small sign welcoming us for the New Student Orientation. There was even a small map that told us where everything was, even though the campus was only a couple blocks long.

My dorm was somewhere called North Campus, which would have been easy enough if only there weren’t two different dorm areas to the north. 

Thankfully Kywe was also in the dorm called Norris on North campus, and a few other people from our bus were headed that way so one of the older students who were dorm advisors or something showed us the way.

I can get behind this architecture, though it makes me think the dorms must be at least a little run down. I mean, bricks don’t get to be this old without something on the inside getting overused. 

For some reason the main area of Norris was decorated in Canadian flags. I didn’t really understand why. There was probably a reason? But honestly I didn’t care enough to figure it out. I just wanted to get my stuff in my room and maybe chill with Kywe before unpacking everything and getting ready for the week-long orientation ahead of me.

“Here’s your key,” the woman at the desk said. I also got an entire gift bag worth of knick-knacks that I would bother with later, but first it was time to find my room.

The stairs were very narrow, just enough room for one person with two large suitcases to make it through. I forced a smile at the person waiting at the landing above me. Something like an apology forming at my lips before I squashed it. I wouldn’t apologize for things that weren’t my fault. Not anymore.

“Hi,” the guy at the landing said.

Huh. I was used to sneers, or some quip about stereotypical Chinese behavior, or something. Not a ‘hello.’

“Hi,” I said back, reaching the landing and shifting into the hallway. He smiled before heading down the stairs as I turned to continue up another flight.

“Ellie, what room are you at?” Kywe was making her way up with her suitcase and duffel bag, the gift bag tied to her arm.

“Uh, 8321. You?”

“8211! I’ll come to your room after dropping my stuff off? I don’t feel like unpacking quite yet.”

“Yeah, sure. Sounds good.” She smiled and turned to the left, looking at the door numbers to find hers. I didn’t watch for much longer and headed up to the third floor.

…

“Ellie! You have, have, have to come with me tonight! There’s something called Nerf at Noyce? And it’s happening in, like, 10 minutes! I think people just run around one of the buildings shooting each other with Nerf guns, but it sounds fun! We did something similar during a church outing when I was younger, but I haven’t done it in forever. I kinda miss it, since we got ‘too old’ and ‘grown women shouldn't act like children, Kywe.’”

So she was going to guilt trip me, huh. Only known her a few days and she already figured out that I couldn’t say no to people if they sound sad. Honestly, I was beyond lucky that Paul never found out the power he had. It was so hard to say no to him sometimes, and he wasn’t even trying!

“Fine. But no promises I’ll stay the entire time.”

“Yes! Now let’s go, because I have no clue which building Noyce is and it’s always better to be early anyway.”

We walked across the giant field instead of under the loggia. Turns out Iowa weather could be a bit nice. At least it wasn’t cold like Squahamish, though I still had my long sleeves on.

Kywe was told to go somewhere called ‘the elbow’ in Noyce, which meant nothing to me or her. At least there were signs.

Though it would be easier to follow the shouts and heavy footsteps.

We went through the front entrance and followed the sign pointing right, and then the chalkboard pointing left. It was a sort of long hallway before we got to an opening with a wooden circular table in the middle. From that point it was easy to see where all the noise was coming from. In the center of a long, glass hallway was a huge group of people standing around, talking and shooting each other with darts.

“Oooh this’ll be fun!” Kywe said. Her grin was infectious and I could feel my mouth twitch upwards. Maybe it would be.

“Alright guys, listen up! I…” the person talking paused dramatically. She had some type of face paint on and a cape, so I was willing to bet she was the captain. Except that there was another person with a cape? But that one was black instead of pink and gold. “Am Queen Julie, and you will refer to me as such. This is my lovely wife, Empress Alisha and her gallant knight Collin.”

“What? No I’m not!” The guy I assume was Collin shot Julie with a heavily modified Nerf gun. 

“Yes you are! Now hush, peasant! We are some of the mods of Nerf this year, there’s a couple more but they couldn’t be at NSO. Now, my small, impressionable new meat. Get ready for Humans vs Zombies! Most of you, but not all, will be humans.”

“I’d say there should be around 3 original zombies,” Collin suggested. He was counting how many people there were. I guess they’ve found the right number to make the game last a while? 

“Alright,” Alisha started. She was wearing a plastic crown, a crop top and sweatpants. It looked pretty comfortable, except for the crown part. “Rule time. There are going to be three original zombies, and everyone else will be human. The humans are able to shoot the zombies, but try to avoid head shots. That said, if the only place you can shoot is the head, it is still fair game.” To demonstrate, Colin went to hide behind a pole and pretended to peek out from behind it. Julie shot him in the face.

“If a zombie touches a human anywhere, the human turns into a zombie. That said, touching the blaster does not count because it is not part of the human. Clothes do count.”

“Now,” Colinstarted. “What happens if a zombie touches a human at the same time the human shoots?” Alisha and Colin went to stand in the middle, Alisha holding a blaster and Colin preparing to run. He rushed her and grabbed her arm right as she fired.

Jacey was the one to answer. “The human is now a zombie, and the zombie has to respawn.” The instructions went on for a while more, talking about responding and safe areas, where you could and couldn’t go. What areas you had to walk by or risk setting off the alarms. It was a lot of information that I was definitely going to forget, but them acting out situations was helpful.

Kywe went to grab us guns, or blasters as the mods called them, while I avoided getting too close to the crowd.

Why was I doing this? Because I want to make a friend? It was just. A lot. And way louder than I was used to. The most socially out-there thing I’ve done, ever, was going to that party Paul dragged me to. And that was only because I drank so much I couldn’t tell what was going on!

This is entirely different. This was me, being around people, willingly, because I didn’t have the willpower to keep being on my own in this place where I didn’t even have my dad to help me out.

I mean. That was fine, though. I was a grown person and completely able to take care of myself emotionally and physically. And even though that was a lie, if I got too freaked out I could always just call Paul and talk with him and hopefully he’d calm me down.

“Woah, dude, if you want to go back to the dorms that’s totally chill.” Oops. I said that outloud. And Kywe heard me. Dang it!

“No, no. I want to do this. I need to figure out how to be around people and have fun since I guess I’ll be living here for the next four years.”

“Alright, that’s fair. Just, don’t push yourself. And let me know if you want to leave.” I breathed in, as deep as I could, before pushing it all back out. Game time.

“Let’s do this.”

…

I got turned in the first three minutes. Turns out, people running at you full speed, screaming and clapping was a bit scarier than anyone would expect. My heart still hadn’t calmed down from that scare. But at least as a zombie there was less reason to freak out.

I wandered around the building, every so often stalking some of the humans, until a group of zombies found me. 

“Hi, Ellie, right?” It was the person in the black cape. Her voice was lower than I was expecting, which only means I should have been paying attention when we went around doing names.

“Uh, yeah. Ellie. Sorry, but what was your name?” She smiled at me before starting to clap.

Not what I expected, but okay. I guess clapping was just a thing that zombies did? I mean, it happened more than once.

“Don’t worry. I’m Robin, she/her. Alright guys, we need to rush them. Go!” She sprinted forward, the rest of her group chasing after. I blinked a couple of times before following. They really looked like zombies. The fast ones that stumbled over each other while trying to reach their prey. Baba watched some movies with fast ones. They were extra terrifying.

Our rush failed, but we did manage to freak out a giant group of humans. I got shot once, so had to respawn by running up and down a flight of stairs. But it could have been worse. Raven managed to respawn two different times during that one raid and got a human in the process. They were now traveling with us, of course.

My first ‘kill’ was… exhilarating. Raven told me to hide behind a wall and wait for her and the group to push the humans toward me. I only got one of them before getting shot, but their shouts of surprise were amazing.

“Dang, dude, that was good!” 

“Thanks,” I said. I was pretty sure most people wouldn’t be happy getting tagged, and they probably wouldn’t be friendly with the person that tagged them.

“I’m Will! First year, but I guess all of us are? Anyway, how did you manage to set that up so perfectly? I mean, I didn’t stand a chance!”

“Oh. Um, Raven actually. I think she’s a third year, maybe forth? But she’s definitely been doing this for a while.”

“Oh! That’s awesome! Hey, uh, you wanna work together? I bet we’d make a great team! C’mon, partners?” Okay, this man is adorable.

“Sure.”

Maybe I could get behind this. 

The two of us started working together to try and take out more groups of humans, even though I kept having to ‘revive’ myself by running up and down the stairs. Will was much better at dodging than me.

I did manage to kill Kywe, so she started traveling around the first floor with us, too.

“Nice tag!” She shouted as Will and I rushed forward. He managed to grab onto one of the girls in the human group. Based on her accuracy during previous times swarming her and her group, she seemed experienced, which just made it so much better.

Kywe and Will high-fived each other before we all rushed off to find our next prey.

… 

“Hey, Paul, how’s it going?” An entire week away from home. It was insane. Good and bad insane, of course. And I missed my best friend more than I should. Maybe more than I missed baba, despite how weird that was.

“Ellie! Hi! How are you? I’ve been cooking with your dad, he’s showing me how to spice things properly. How do you not sneeze when he’s cooking? I swear, I’ll never figure that out!” He paused to cough and I laughed.

“You’ll get used to it, probably. Wait, did you make sure to open the window? Baba normally forgets.”

“Oh! Shoot! I’ll do that, thanks. How have you been? Here, I’ll put you on speaker.” I heard the click and baba’s greeting.

“It’s been good. Busy. Exciting. At times like I can’t catch my breath because of everything that’s going on all at once, but still good. Kiona, my roommate? She has been going to everything she can pack into her schedule. Er, they. Into their schedule.”

“Ah. You aren’t being too busy, are you?” 

“No, baba, don’t worry. I have been hanging out with Kywe and Will, we mainly just talk or read.”

“Oh!” Paul interrupted. “Have you finished setting up your room yet? I need to see it! Kiona has a lot of posters, right? Do you know any of the groups? I keep wanting to listen to more music, see if there’s anything out there I can really get behind.” Wait, that sounded weird. Very non-Paul.

“Did Aster ask you to say that?” I smirked. Sure, Paul might like music, but he was more than happy sticking to the little bands that make up the Squahamish music scene. 

“Uh. Yeah, she did…”

“Sure, I’ll send a picture and some band names. To both of you. She knows she can just call me, right? Unless she somehow lost my number.” I… wouldn’t put it past her if she was freaking out. Maybe a spur of the moment decision to distance herself from the girl that kissed her. Especially if anyone in her family saw that.

I wasn’t exactly being subtle, being in the middle of the road and all. People tended to watch, and then gossip about, confrontations in our little town.

“Thanks, Ellie.”

“No worries. Did the deal go through? About your sausages?”

“Nope, not yet, but I think it’ll come any day now. Ma isn’t super happy about it, she still thinks Grans are the best and that we shouldn’t change it. But my brother tried one! And I think he liked it, even though it was a bit spicy and he needed to drink water.”

“You know water makes it worse, right?”

“Yeah, but he didn’t believe me when I told him that.”

“Of course he didn’t. Well, let me know when you perfect your recipe. I’ll try making it, or you could always come visit me and we could make it together. You could get out of Squahamish for a weekend and meet some of my new friends?”

“Yeah, that would be fun. I don’t know when, though. Ma wants me at home for a while, she’s afraid I’ll mess with Gran’s recipe more.”

“Which you will.”

“Yeah, but this way she can supervise me or something?”

“Well. I still think you should try asking. I won’t be coming back until winter break, so if you can drag baba out here with you before then, that would be great. Come during parents weekend, then you can see the posters for yourself.”

“Alright, I can ask. Oh, anything I should tell Aster? She asked about you.”

“Nah. Just tell her my phone is always charged. Let me know if I should call her first, though? I might if she takes too long, but I don't want to push any harder after what happened.”

“Alright, will do! Bye, Ellie!”

“Bye Paul, I’ll call you soon baba.” I breathed out a sigh and lay back against my bed. 

“I should go,” I said to myself. Kiona and Will wanted me to come watch some old movie. He has awesome tastes. No way would I have watched _I, Tonya_ or _Ocean Wave_.

It took a few minutes before I managed to get up.

…

“Okay. You got this, it’ll be easy. They told you what to do yesterday.” First day working dishline… I shouldn’t be this nervous, and definitely not this early in the morning. I’d be stressed the entire day. Besides, work only meant meeting a few more people and taking care of the dirty dishes from people that I never met. No problem.

Why did it feel like writing papers for people the rest of my life would be so much easier than the social interaction that came with menial labor?

But no. I would be fine. Everything would be fine.

I was second into the dish room. One other guy - girl? It was really, really different here compared to Squahamish. They had long hair but a flat chest, with light brown skin and wearing the dining hall uniform. And they were playing music over the loudspeakers that I had never heard before. Definitely a different language. Spanish? Probably spanish. It was pretty slow, though. Most of baba’s movies have people talking faster than I can hope to keep up with.

“Hi there,” they said with a pretty heavy accent. “I’m Enrique Emilia, he/she pronouns.”

“Oh. Um, hi, I’m Ellie, she/her.” I just stood there awkwardly for a few moments. What should I even say? How do people have both he and she pronouns? A week in and already nothing was making sense. Grinnell already drilled into my head introducing yourself using pronouns, but most of the time people would give a binary or they/them preference. Like Kiona uses.

“What type of music do you listen to?” He (?) continued “This is Arcángel, but I know some people don’t care for his music.”

“No, I like this. What’s it called?” That was true, at least. I could feel myself start to sway with the beat. It was calming…

“Memoria Rota. Arcángel and Myke Towers worked together on it.”

“Huh. Cool.” We were quiet for a little bit as I listened. I wasn’t expecting the switch to Alicia Keys’ “Underdog”. Aster listened to that song when she was feeling down…

Enrique walked to the other side of the tray-carrying conveyor belt, so I followed.

“Okay, I don’t think any of the Red Shirts are coming - they’re the people in charge I think? But they might not come to show us what to do. One of the older students said it’ll get busy closer to 8:30. I’ve only worked one shift so far... Last time I was taking care of the cups, so I can do that again.

“So, my job is going to be to take the cups and put them into this bin,” he pointed to one that was already half filled with cups. “And sometimes I’ll wash some of the other things but if it gets busy that won’t happen, it would be too hard. You’re going to take care of the mugs and put them into your bin,” he nodded to one that had a single mug in it. “You’ll also wash things. If another person shows up I think they’re in charge of whatever is left that we couldn't grab and wash.

“After the bin’s full, we just push it down the line for other workers to take care of.” I blinked. That didn’t sound too hard. Just some menial labor, but he said it could get difficult…

It got difficult around 8am. And loud once the machines were running.

But at least I could hang around and freak out about it with Enrique.

“Hey, Enrique. If you don’t mind me asking, how do you use either he or she pronouns? I know about they/them for people that don’t feel either, but I hadn’t heard about both.” I honestly did not expect him to grin. Offended, yes. Absolutely. But happy? Excited? That was weird.

“Oh, sure. Well, right now I’m a guy, so go ahead and use he/him for right now. Sometimes I’m a girl, so use she/her. Also, you can switch which name you use. Since I’m Enrique Emilia, you can say both, just Enrique if I’m a guy at that time, or just Emilia if I’m a girl. Uh, if you want to, check out the term gender fluid?”

“O… kay? Um. Thanks for telling me.” That didn’t really explain anything but I guess I should just google it later. “So what should I call you right now?” 

“Oh, He/him, just like you’ve been doing so far. I’ll let you know when to switch to a different one.”

“Okay. Cool. Thanks.” Awkward. Should I ask him a question? About, like, not that?

“Where do you live on campus?” He asked, which saved me from figuring something out myself.

“Oh! North. In Norris.” 

“Oh! Really? Me too, I’m first floor.”

“Cool. Um, do you wanna hang out later tonight? My friends and I were planning to watch _Hail, Caesar_ later. My friend Will thinks it’s awesome, but I have no clue what it’s about. Other than it’s about communists and is from the 1950s.”

“Well. I would definitely like to try watching that if your friends are up to having me.”

“Yeah, definitely. We’re going to be watching in the lounge area, so anyone can walk in anyway. Kywe tends to gather an entire group of strangers to join us, she’ll be happy if I bring you.”

...

“That’s it. I waited long enough. If she isn’t going to call me I just have to call her. And hopefully she answers because if she doesn't there’s no way I’ll be able to do this again.” Poor Kiona having to listen to my relationship problems. They don’t deserve this, but I guess that’s just what it meant to be my roommate.

“You’ll be alright. And if she doesn't answer, maybe she’s just busy. I mean, she has her own schooling, right?”

“Yeah? I think? I don’t even know if she actually went to college, Kiona! I’m awful! We didn’t talk at all before I left. I mean, I know she applied for a few places inside Washington so it would be cheap, but who knows if she actually managed to escape to college? Her parents wanted her to stay and get married to that prick Trig.”

“Wait. Didn’t you say she broke up with him?”

“I mean, I think she did? But they could have gotten back together. I haven’t talked with her in weeks! And I know he can be super pushy.” Their eyebrow quirked at that. I’ll have to tell some stories later, they wouldn't believe some of the stuff he’s pulled. “If her parents were backing him she might not have been able to stay broken off.”

“Wow, that extra sucks. But I’m sure it’ll be fine. I mean, even if she decides not to date you, it won’t be the end of the world. I mean, you weren’t technically dating Aster before all of this started, right?”

“Well, yeah, but-”

“Then that means you will be perfectly fine if she decides not to date you.”

“But you don’t get it. We’ve been basically flirting for over a month before any of the stupid drama happened. I mean sure, she thought she was talking with Paul, but the connection was there and I know she could feel that I was part of it somehow. Otherwise why would we start talking in real life?”

“Okay, then call her. If you have a connection, you’ll be fine and she’ll want to talk with you. Even if she hasn’t admitted it to herself yet.”

“Okay, okay. Fine. I can do this.” I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking as I opened up my phone and scrolled to Aster’s contact. I hovered over the call button until Kiona made a ‘hurry up!’ motion.

I did as they said and hit the button.

They quirked an eyebrow in question. “Ringing,” I half-whispered back.

One. Two. 

She wasn’t picking up yet. This was a bad idea. I should stop.

Three.

Yeah, it isn’t too late yet. Just say that I misdialed and it’ll all be fine.

Four.

Okay, hanging up n-

“Hello? Ellie?”

“Aster! Hi! Hi. I just wanted to see how you were doing? It’s been a while. And super busy, with college and all…” Oh god, don’t trail off. I needed to figure out what to say.

“Heh, yeah,” I could hear the smile in her voice. Thank god she wasn't hanging up yet. “It’s been going. How have you been? Paul said you’re always studying, just like you were back here. And I heard something about parties?”

“Oh, yeah, they’re really low-key.” I hadn’t seen any first years black out drunk yet, though I hear this thing called 10/10 might get dangerous if I don’t watch out for my friends. “It’s crazy here, I don’t even know where to start. Everything is different from back home. How have you been?”

“You know, so-so. I’m starting Pierce College up soon, I head there on Sunday. My parents aren’t necessarily excited about that, but I think they understand. Finally.” Kiona started to head out of the room. I didn’t try to stop them, but I would definitely say thank you once this is all over. No matter what the outcome turned out to be.

“Oh. Well, that’s good. Has anything been going on with Trig?”

“Nope, he’s mainly left me alone. I have been hanging around Paul a lot. Most of the girls from last year left me alone after I split with Trig, which is a relief. But it still sorta sucks. I mean, I already knew they weren't really my friends but it sucks that they confirmed it like that.”

“Well, you didn’t like hanging out with them anyway. And yeah, you have Paul and he’s great. And I’m sure if you want to hang out at the station my dad would be more than happy to let you.” She hummed in thought, but I knew that wouldn’t happen. If she ever needed it, maybe. 

“Tell me about your friends? Paul said your roommate was two-something? But he couldn’t describe what he was trying to say. And that goddess friend? What’s she like?”

“Kiona is my roommate, and they’re two-spirit. The goddess is Kywe, but it’s more like she dresses like a punk goddess. There’s also Enrique Emilia and Will. 

“Let’s see… Kiona is awesome. They’re the only reason I actually go to the gym, which I guess is good since I don’t have my bike to ride around anymore. We’re both in the orchestra - they play the flute. Also the pan flute, which I didn’t know was a thing until they showed me. It sounds awesome. Remember when we would blow into bottles and hear them echo?” Aster hummed in agreement.

“It was like that, except the sound was more clear? Like if the wind became an echo chamber directed only at one person. They’ve been playing that longer than the metal flute. Oh, and we’re going to write a piece for both of us, them on the pan flute and I’ll be playing the piano. I might be able to convince Emilia to do some vocals, but we’ll see how she’s feeling about that once we write them. 

“Oh, and Emilia knows everything. I’m not joking. I’ll make a reference to some book that I read forever ago and he’ll just _know_ it! I mean, she’ll just know it? Um. Enrique Emilia is gender fluid, so the time I’m thinking about Emilia was a girl, but that makes telling stories a little messy since the different times he’s she and I’ll switch in the middle. Anyway. He said he just read books over and over and that’s why he can quote them perfectly, but he must be able to remember stuff so well!”

“Well, awesome. Sounds like you’re having a lot of fun over there.”

“Yeah, I am. Kywe keeps convincing me to go to parties and things. At some point I’ll figure out how to say no, but she only brings me to low-key ones that I can actually enjoy. She also has Emilia come but I don’t think he minds it at all. Though he does pay a lot of attention to his phone when we’re there.

“Oh! And Will. Almost forgot about him. You would love him, he’s like Paul, kinda. High energy, super happy. Always excited about something… y’know? Just a fun guy to be around.”

“Cool.” She was pretty quiet... actually, the entire time I’ve been talking she barely made a noise.

“Aster? Is something wrong?”

“Nah, it’s just… you’re making a ton of new friends, and they all sound so much more amazing than us people back home.”

“What? No, Aster. You’re, like, the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. Sure, the rest of Squahamish wasn’t great, but there’s a reason I started to like you. And then continued talking to you through letters and texts. It’s because you _are_ my amazing. You’re my standard for people that I meet, and the reason I’m willing to meet new people. Aster, you’re everything.” Her end was quiet, but I thought I could make out a sniffle.

Oh, no. I messed up. I didn’t want her to _cry_! Unless it was the good cry.

I heard another click on her end and then the beeping tone of an ended call.

Fuck.

…

“ARGH!” I didn’t even look up. Emilia was having trouble with her bio homework, probably. At least that’s what she was working on before. Random screams of frustration were becoming increasingly normal over the weeks. Even I had to shout out a few curses when my formulas didn’t make any sense.

“What’s going on now? Question 13? Because same.” Will muttered in agreement. His head had been down for the past five minutes. Maybe thinking, maybe crying. It was hard to tell sometimes. 

“C’mon, guys. You got this. Besides, just a little bit longer and it’ll be the weekend.”

“Yeah, just in time to catch up on all the reading we missed throughout the week.” Kywe mumbled. I held in a groan. There were at least 50 pages of reading I missed, and that was after having no free time throughout the week.

“Nope, I’m done. That’s it! I quit. Let’s find a room and just watch a movie instead. The Bad Movies club is doing something later tonight, we could go grab dinner and then head there to watch? They’re playing _Transylmania_. It got a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.”

“Wait, really? I didn’t know that was even possible!” It looked like Will managed to revive and Emilia’s eyes were practically shining. 

“That would be awful to watch, we have to!” She put her pencil down and shook Kywe’s shoulders. After being nearly dead for an entire week, it was nice to see her get energy back. 

“I don’t know, guys,” Kiona said. “I mean, there’s a reason it got such a bad review, right? It must not even be funny with how bad it is. Just _bad_ bad.” I couldn't help but agree with her. But sometimes it was nice to just shout at a screen and forget about the world we live in.

I think I’ve read too much _God, Gold, Guns and Glory_ the past couple of days. My Soc class broke me.

“Sure, but I have to finish my paper first, okay? I still need to head to the writing mentor tomorrow before lunch and there’s no way I’ll manage that if we stay up too late.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I can’t anyway. There’s a GUAC meeting tomorrow morning,” Kywe said. She had been working with the group ever since they promoted their work during NSO. Their newspaper, _The Prairie Burn_ , was what really got her hooked into being part of the group. She loved writing political articles. “We’re planning a climate protest in Chicago in a couple of weeks and I need to be there and figure out how to help.”

“Let me know when that’s happening? I’d love to be there.” Kywe sent a thumbs up to Kiona before getting back to work. She already had an AP physics credit, so her two hundred level course was too much for my brain to handle.

As the time neared five thirty, I could hear the happy shouts of what I used to assume were children. They weren’t, but the group of students that walked through the atrium every day, at five thirty to the dot, definitely acted like kids. It was cute but extremely distracting.

“Yeah, no. I can’t focus. C’mon, guys. It’s Friday, I’m tired, and I think Will’s dead,” Emilia said. I guess she gave up, at least for now. Let’s go on a walk. We haven’t explored the town that much yet, right? I know there’s a park just a few blocks away, and we can chill there for a bit before coming back to reality. Please?”

“Yeah, sure. I can’t read about authoritarian pathology and personalities any more. My eyes are going to fall out.” I stood up, closing the dang book and putting away my laptop. The glossary assignment can wait until tomorrow. Probably. 

“Awesome. I’m entirely okay with that, parks are fun!” Will hurried to pack his stuff away, shoving everything into his bag just in case. “Oh, can we go on the swings! I haven’t in so long! Do you think I’d fit in the baby seat? Actually, no, of course I could. Do you think I could get out? I wonder if there’s a tire swing. My brother broke ours and we never replaced it.”

Emilia, Kiona, Will and I started to head out, leaving our backpacks where they were. Just another weird, random thing that I learned to do here. “Kywe, you coming?” I asked. She stared for a couple of moments before nodding, standing up and starting to follow. 

“Yeah. I should. Don’t think I left that seat since lunch.” She slung an arm around Will and I, dragging us both forward with her momentum. 

As we were walking, Enrique and I with our arms locked and Kiona pestering Will and Kywe, my phone buzzed. I thought about ignoring it - Paul was probably excited about some new recipe and his ma refused to try it - but inevitably decided it would be fine. Besides, Paul loved talking with my friends.

It was not Paul.

“Aster?” I asked after accepting the call.

“Hi, Ellie. Do you have a moment to talk?” My throat went dry. The group stopped walking for a moment before I shooed them on. Enrique took a moment longer than the others. He might have felt me freeze, and for all I know my body temperature managed to drop a full ten degrees in that moment. I’m sure it was enough of an indicator that I was Not Okay that he was worried.

I smiled, even though it felt unsteady like it could shatter at any moment.

“Yeah, what’s up?” My lifelines started walking away. It might have been a bad idea to send them off. 

“I just… wanted to say I’m sorry, I guess? For not messaging you. Or calling. And about, well, hanging up on you. It was a sucky thing to do.” Yeah. It was. And I could tell her just how much it messed me up and how Kiona came back into the room to me crying on the ground and not doing anything until they managed to drag me into Will’s room to watch a movie that no one paid attention to. 

But I wouldn’t do that.

“I just needed to get off the phone.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. I said too much, I know.” She should worry about it. “I’m fine.” I leaned my back against the brick outer wall of McNallys and leaned my head back, just breathing.

“No. Ellie, listen to me. I was dumb, and overwhelmed, and I let that hurt you. But I shouldn’t have, and I definitely won’t do that again.”

“Okay, so... where are we? You know how I feel, but I have no clue what you feel. And I’m sorry that I keep pushing, but I need to know.” God why was this so hard? Eyes burning, I looked over to where my friends were walking. 

They had stopped again, just watching me. Enrique started walking back. I shoved my palm against my eyes to stop whatever tears started leaking out and sat on the hard concrete. Enrique sat next to me, and the others were close behind.

“I… I like you, Ellie. I do. But I don’t know if I like you that way, and I don’t know if I can, you know, do this? It’s one thing that you’re a girl, but you’re also a really, really long way away. And I don’t know if I can make that work.” I breathed out. Kywe and Enrique’s shoulders were pressed against mine, and Will was kneeling in front of me. Kiona was a step away. I reached out to grab their hand, and they squeezed mine in return.

God, I loved these guys.

“Yeah. Yeah, I get it.”

“Maybe when we’re back in Squahamish we can figure it out?” 

I wasn’t going to go back to Squahamish if I could help it.

That thought… actually surprised me. Only a couple weeks in and I already never want to leave.

“Yeah, sure. Next time I’m back, we can talk.” Everything still sucked about this entire mess, but maybe it sucked a little less than I thought.

“Alright. Bye, Ellie.”

“Bye.” I put my phone in my pocket before the entire group engulfed me in a hug. It was nice, warm, and my heart felt like it might burst.

I can’t believe I just cried in front of so many people.

“Do you wanna head back to campus?” Kiona asked, still holding onto my hand.

“...nah. The park’s good.” I stood up, Kiona pulling me half the way. 

We all sat on the spider web net in the park arguing about zombie biology and if they were able to poop or not. I blame that on Will and his weird zombie knowledge from any and every old movie he could get his hands on.

“But guys, sure they eat things, but wouldn’t their body be decomposing just as fast as the food inside them? So would it really be poop? Or, like diarrhea? Because their own body and blood is coming out too.” Wow. I just said that. It’s pretty far off from everything I used to talk about. Politics. Philosophers. Ancient history.

“Or maybe they’re using up all of the material they get from eating people, so there’s nothing left to come out. Or instead of being digested they just get bloated and the body needs to release in other ways, which is why they’re falling apart in the first place.”

“Nah, when a body dies it’s likely to poop, that’s just what happens. Besides, stomach acid should last for a while after people die anyway. ” Everyone looked at Enrique. “What?”

“Well, on that note, let’s go eat?” Kiona tumbled out of the web, falling through one of the holes at the bottom to land on their feet.

“Yeah, I second that.” I said, following. Everyone else started too.

God my friends are weird.


End file.
